On the plane, I was thinking about all my farewells with family & friends - all the "I love you" and "Be careful", and I couldn't help but realize how not nervous I am about the trip. I believe that God has called me to truly walk in solidarity with the Haitian people. The current state of their country is their daily reality. There is no reason for me to regard it with any more caution or fear than they do. It is my hope that I will not be another white man observing and lending a helping hand after the quake, but rather that I will truly become a Haitian for these 12 days...really take a walk in their shoes. I am getting to the point where my missions experiences begin to run together & all-too-often we leave and I feel like just another helping hand. I'm really getting tired of that. It's not that the things that I've done in the past are not good, I just long for something more - something deeper and more permanent - a connection between me and the people. I long to see the world as all the people of the world do, even if only for a little while.
I think that Roy truly believes that true solidarity is the only way to go. He seems to regard us as completely responsible for our actions & decisions, and he encourages us to seek ways to walk in solidarity. I hope this attitude will allow us to push past the surface and into the uncensored and possibly harsh reality that is Haitian life.
Although I previously commented on how not nervous I am, it just occurred to me that I am not completely nerve free. While I am not nervous about our safety (God will take care of that), I am nervous that I am unprepared for what is to come. I worry that my previous experiences have caused me to adopt an "I know" attitude...that I have done enough reading and praying to allow me to have the experience I desire. From what I can tell from the studying I have done, Haiti is a unique, beautiful, & struggling nation. I pray that God will allow me to regard it as such, without expectations & unaffected by my own weaknesses and faults. After all, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.
We will see what tomorrow brings. Lord, prepare me...
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