Thursday, May 26, 2011

I'm back on the map!

After 12 days with no electricity, flush toilets, or running water, I'm back!  I'm splitting the trip into 3 legs, and leg 1 is officially over.  With the departure of the group from Gros Morne this morning (Can you believe they abandoned me just like that?), I'm on the front end of leg 2.

The first leg was super!  We had a small but wonderful group of Haiti Connection members along for the ride - Roy, myself, Dan, Jen, Jonathan, Molly, and Geri.  I journaled throughout my time these last 12 days and will be typing that all out eventually, but it seems like a daunting task at the moment, so please be patient.  To tide you all over, I'll give a brief run down of what we've been up to...

We started our journey as soon as we touched down in Port au Prince with a trip to the baby center.  This center serves children in the greater PAP area who are malnourished.  I was super excited about this, since feeding is something I hope to focus on in my Speech Pathology program.  I have been in contact with some volunteers there over the past few months, and prepared a feeding kit to take with me.  But wouldn't you know it...I forgot it all at home.  If anyone knows a way to send things to Haiti in less than a year, please let me know!  There is such a need there though.  So much opportunity to educate the people on proper feeding techniques that may help the children be healthier in the future.  A 4-month-old simply shouldn't be eating a hard boiled egg out of his own hand!




After helping with the midday feeding, we took a trip up to a lookout spot that has a wonderful view of the city and the surrounding mountains.  It was breathtaking.  I could imagine Haiti in all of her tropical splendor from above all the smog and destruction.  Upon returning from the lookout, we visited the Capitol building and the national cathedral of Haiti.  They are both still standing in complete ruin.  It really surprises me.  I think it would do the people good to see these symbols of national pride back in working order.  There has been a lot of clean-up being done - not so many tent cities or rubble everywhere - but more needs to be done.  Slowly but surely...



Right before we headed out of the city, we had the opportunity to meet with Michael Ritter, the Director of Gadyen Dlo, our clean water organization.  How exciting it was to talk with him!  They seem to be making great strides.  The CDC is actually donating $1100 for new systems in the area we sponsor.  Helps us out a bit!

On day 3, we loaded the truck and drove out to our sister community of Barasa near the Haiti/DR border.  While there, we had the opportunity to really spend time with the members of the community - to see what they've been working on, to hear thier needs and concerns, even to dance and play with them.  We heard from Rodrique, the head of our reforestation project.  He has something like 10,000 saplings in his nursery right now (sweet and sour oranges, avocados, hardwood trees, and flamboyant flowering trees).  They will be ready to plant any time.  We went with him to the spot where he will plant the first "green hat" in the area.  This term describes a cluster of strong and healthy trees growing on the top of the mountain.  It is unlikely that all of Haiti will ever be reforested, but these "green hats" will help immensely.  He is so passionate about those trees.  I love listening to him talk about it.  We really should have called it "Project Rodrique" instead of "Project Lorax, because, in the words of Dr. Seuss, "His name is Rodrique and he speaks for the trees!" They loved our books.  I just hope the Kreyol translation was good and they don't think it's Voodoo.

We also accompanied a group of young children out to the source and had the chance to hear about their stories.  The community cistern project we have in the works should help prevent them from having to make the treacherous hike multiple times each day.

We met with a woman who lost her husband and helped to fund his burial.  It was neat to see the man's processional.  Men from the community carry the casket down the mountain singing all the while to celebrate his life.  What a beautiful way to go!

We also got updates of the children in the school sponsorship program.  They loved all the gifts that were sent to them.  Updates will be coming soon.  Keep praying for those little ones.  The largest school in the area, run by Dieufort, is looking to build a new facility that would be able to house the growing number of students they have, so we are hoping to help with this project as well.  It's going to be at least a $12,000 project.  My guess is it will be more.  We want to make sure it's a functional building.  No reason to fund a sub-par project.




People are still struggling with home repairs and the everyday challenges of life, but it is our hope that our projects will empower them to make a better life for themselves.  We did get to visit the house of the woman whose house was damaged by a falling rock in the earthquake.  We gave her the money on our last trip and she was so grateful and proud of her new home.

From Barasa, we traveled to Gros Morne in the north.  The roads have been improved tenfold since I was here last, so the ride was much shorter and more enjoyable.  The improvement of the roads is a great first step in decentralizing from PAP.  Change is happening here, little by little.  My time spent in Gros Morne with the group was extremely encouraging and motivating.

In Gros Morne, we were able to hike to the top of Tet Mon to see the sunset over one of the very first successful "green hats" in Haiti.  It was planted by the Haitian government.  Oh how I hope our "green hats" turn out to be as prominent as that one and the government renews their interest in reforesting Haiti!  What an example for us to model after!

We traveled out to Fonibo (where we will be running summer camp) to see Becca's wonderful work with compost toliets.  These toilets could be revolutionary down here.  Not only do they teach the community about proper hygiene and clean water, but they also develop an awareness for agriculture.  Waste from the community is filtered into receptacles and covered in organic matter to keep it from smelling and to help with the decomposing process.  It is something we hope to implement in Barasa.  Not only would it benefit the community, but it would prevent us from having to go in a smelly hole in a slab of cement (which I about fell into our first day there...ask for the full story later)! Beautiful!  I think Janet and Denny should try it out at their place too.  The Sisters here tested the use of the compost on crops and found they yield 3x more corn than without.  Could really help with that garden of theirs! ;)

We spent the entire next day visiting our sister community of Dekosye.  Our relationship with Dekosye is very new, so I was a little apprehensive about what we would be able to do there.  It was perfect though!  We first met with Father Monfort, who is working with the region as well.  He showed us a lake they are building.  They hope to pool water in the lake to breed fish, attract other wildlife, and to water crops during the dry season.  We saw a bird perched on the shore, so it's already working.  The lake is slowing filling as we get more and more rain.  Haiti Connection will be raising funds to purchase a pump for transporting water to crops.



As we continued into town, we were greeted by children from the school who had prepared a parade for us.  It was absolutely precious!  They danced in the streets for a solid 30 minutes in the heat and sun.  What a gift!




The kids from the sewing center we opened up last year then showed us their projects.  They have moved into a larger building since I was last here, and they are having much success with the program.  Their work is great!  The girls and Madame Denis are working on a beautiful table cloth for me to bring back home with me.




We also met with a community committee that is focusing on clean water.  They came with so many ideas for hygenic toilets, how to implement Gadyen Dlo, and how to get the whole community on board.  It was very refreshing to see the community taking an active interest in our relationship.  I'm so very excited to further develop the relationship there.

Starting tomorrow, I am officially Brittany's slave.  She is a volunteer, who first came down with Roy's group back in 2009.  She never left.  She is about to wrap up year 2 and head home to go to nursing school at Mass General Hospital.  Sounds like she will be keeping me busy here in the month leading up to camp (leg 2 of my journey).  We will be working on a house that will house medical mission teams when they come in the future.  She has been heading up the remodeling of the building and will have some things for me to do with that.  Our first group comes June 16, so we are getting down to the wire!  There will also be LOTS of work to do to gear up for  camp.  We will be meeting sometime in the next few days to talk about exactly what needs to be done.  I'm sure I will be hitting the ground running, so there will be many more updates in the coming days.

I will try my best to my journal entries copied.  They have much more of a personal touch from my experiences thus far.  I send my love home to you all!  Please keep Haiti in your prayers.  I hear things are kind of chaotic at home with storms, so I'll keep you all in my prayers as well.

Peace,
C.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Interesting

Check this out!  It's a neat little graph that shows life expectancy and income for all the countries in the world.  I found it interesting to compare the stats for Haiti vs. the DR, since they share and island.  What a difference a few hundred miles makes.  And then to compare them both with the US.  How blessed are we?  Take a look.

www.bit.ly/kj5CRc

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Final Countdown

Bonjou!  As I type, I should be preparing my stuff for Haiti.  I will be heading out in exactly one week to spend my summer serving where God has called me in Barasa and Gros Morne, Haiti.  I will be there for two and a half months. My first two weeks will be with the Haiti Connection checking up on our projects.  After they abandon me to return to the US, I will spend the remainder of my time gearing up for and helping to put on Kan Klaudine, a summer camp for children in the area of Gros Morne.

I'm getting super excited for the trip.  I've been anticipating this...well...pretty much since the day I got back last year.  With only one week to go, to say I'm stoked is a bit of an understatement.  I've got Paul Farmer's The Uses of Haiti in my lap awaiting a little bit of educational time and my Haitian Creole Phrasebook is waiting to be cracked open as well.  So much to do in a very little amount of time.  Not to mention I still have family and friends to attend to.  It's been a crazy year and I can't believe I'm graduated but this is an exciting next step for me.


I will try to keep you all updated on my activities and such while I am in Haiti, but I'm not always the best at keeping up with technology.  I went ahead and typed up my journal entries from last year.  They are all listed below if you're interested in a bit of summer reading.

As they say in Haiti, N a we! (See you later!)

05/19/2010

We are leaving Barasa today & I'm feeling quite nervous about that.  As I pack my things and prepare to hit the road, it is becoming more & more clear how small & at the same time, how very big our impact is here. I worry that our commitment has become too big, so that they have come to rely on us too much.  On the other side of that, our change is too small.  Children still go to bed hungry & don't go to school.  Families still don't have more for clean water or a roof over their heads.  It is such a slippery slope in both directions.  Over the past couple of days, I have developed a frustration in response to the lack of responsibility we see.  For example Mesye Dieufort (J-Fo) has two jobs and his own garden and still claims he can't pay for his child to go to school.  Last night, Roger reminded us that there may be other factors but I can't imagine that is the case for every family.  It is the same with the clean water program...so many people say they don't have money for the Gadyen Dlo solution.  I can't believe that don't have access to 10 Gourdes (~$0.25) at one time or another.  I think they fail to be good stewards of their money.  That, to me, is frustrating...but it's the same as in the States.  It is impossible to determine who truly has a need, because people take advantage of charity.  As much as I have grown to love Leyla & Watson, I am frustrated with even their situation.  Their father asked us for a generator to charge his cell phone when his kids are not attending school and he is not feeding his family.  Why not push for sponsorship or a cistern so that Leyla can stop making three trips to the source each day?  I realize and am grateful for our light here, but if we are to continue to be successful, we cannot be the only light.  We must empower the people of Barasa to carry their own light, so that in the event that we can no longer help, they are not left in complete darkness.

Lord, empower your people...

05/17/2010

(morning)

Waking up here is so refreshing to me.  I love the Haitian style.  They get up and go to bed with the sun.  It's just refreshing not to use artificial light to stay up late and then be woken up by the sound of a beeping alarm clock the next morning.  Here, we go to bed by candlelight under a blanket of starts and wake up to the sun and sounds of the community stirring around us.  To me, this goes along with one of the quotes from Mother Theresa that Roy shared last night:

"In the developed countries, there is a poverty of intimacy, a poverty or spirit, of loneliness, a lack of love.  There is no greater sickness in the world than that one."


While there are so many things we can do to help the Haitian people due to our societal advancements, there are many was in which I see our moving forward as taking a step back.  In these ways, I hope the Haitian people never become like the Americans.  For example, I hear Emily talk so much about technology & online social networking.  On multiple occasions I've heard her say she spends 90% of her time in front of a computer screen.  I think this can only be exactly what Mother Theresa is talking about.  We have created a world where people can be successful without ever leaving their houses.  They can have thousands of friends on Facebook and never meet any of them face-to-face.  And the sad thing is that this system seems to work.  But it is missing something.  Of course it makes life "easier", but I was always told that life's not supposed to be easy.  Our online world makes communicating and shopping faster and more efficient than ever, but with that comes an easier way to put people down and steal.  Life is not supposed to be easy.  By struggling together and problem-solving, we form stronger bonds and gain wisdom from one another.  Multiple times in the Bible, God speaks of suffering and how through suffering we are restored by Him and made stronger.  While I do not desire to suffer like the Haitian people, I do think that there is so much to learn from their suffering.  They share in each other's suffering in a very real way.  In this one week, we get only a taste of that life.  In a way, I'm envious.  I wish we knew that kind of faith & community...that kind of love for others and for our communities.  Something else to take back to the States, I guess...

Lord, send strength through suffering...

(evening)

I notice a different in spirit between the church in Gros Morne and the church here in Barasa.  Perhaps it's the difference between Sunday and Thursday; perhaps it's something more, but as the drums pound out a beat & the people sing out, I couldn't help but think, "This is what it's like to make a joyful noise to the Lord."  How marvelous!



I can just see God smiling down on this place, pleased with what He hears. I wish I had a tape recorder so that I could capture this moment and remember it always.  Although I don't understand the words, the songs of this little church strike a cord deep in my heart - they awaken something inside of me to make more of a change here.  Now Monsieur DonDon challenges us to do what we can with what God has given to us.  It is our responsibility to do so.  Though I am one person who can make only a small change, the Lord will use my small change to make a big impact.  When what we do does not seem like a lot, we must remember that God works with our efforts to make a big change.

"We are not called to be successful, only to be faithful."


Lord, use my efforts to spark big change...

05/16/2010

Another great day to be in Haiti...


Today we got the chance to embrace the Haitian market yet again & the walk together with some Haitian children to get water from the source.  I am amazed once more by the resilience & determination of them all.  While walking back behind Roy, who was carrying a bucket of water for a young girl named Marianne (Leyla for short), I got to hold her hand as we walked.  At the end of the walk, we had the opportunity to talk to her and her family.  It was cool just to take time to sit and just be with them.  


 



I really appreciate the personal 1-on-1 connection Roy has established here.  What we have makes us more than a signature on a check or a name on a sponsorship plaque at school.  It makes us real to the people.  They can relate to us and talk with us and see that we want to understand them.  It makes me think twice about going to Mexico long-term.  Seems like a better choice for me to come back here.  God will show me what to do in His time, if only I will listen.

Lord, open my ears to hear you...

05/15/2010

Sick today.  As we traveled from Gros Morne to Barasa, my stomach was rumbling and my spirits were plummeting.  I realized that my foul mood and focus on my upset stomach were immature.  I cannot imagine being truly sick or injured in these conditions.  With all the heat, smell, dust, & potholes, I was miserable.  Although I can't say I have lived it, I can see how everything would be complicated by the conditions.  As if living in a tent city weren't enough, some people do so with missing limbs, life-threatening illnesses, and infants to care for.  So tough...

We arrived at Barasa tonight & it is already a completely different experiences.  The people here were so happy to see us.  I feel so much more immersed in the culture.  As I write, a band of Haitians sings outside the door.  What a beautiful song.  I look forward to building real relationships with the people here.  I was a little apprehensive about the apparent lack of plans for our days, but now that we have arrives, I am excited for some free time to just spend in fellowship with the people.  Excited also for the market tomorrow  Off to bed to sleep off the rest of this upset stomach.

Oh! One more thing.  We got to see the corn mill today that Haiti Connection sponsored a few years back.  It was up & running and Roy says that it is completely self-sufficient.  It's so amazing to see that our efforts really do foster sustainable, long-term change.



Lord, grant me comfort...

05/14/2010

Inspired.  I finally found a word to describe how I'm feeling & that is inspired.  I am inspired by so many things here in Haiti - by the people who persevere through the hardship, by the volunteers who are doing so many good things, by the beauty of the countryside.  It's all so inspiring to me...makes me want to make a change more than what I'm making now.  Brittany especially is an inspiration.  I have always felt called to long-term mission work, but it seemed to me that I would have to put my life on hold in order to do so.  She shows me that it is quite the opposite.  She has made another life here, one rich in fellowship and love. Being here does not hinder or threaten life at home.  Rather, it enhances our experiences & makes us appreciate home all the more.  Why be in a hurry to grow up and make life in America when spending time here and learning to appreciate will make my future life richer?  God wants to use me, so why not now?  Grad school can wait and so can the husband, home, & career.

Lord, show me your way...

05/13/2010

Haitian sunsets, stars, & sunrises.  Once again I am awestruck by the beauty of Haiti.  I once thought I had a clear view of the skies in LeRoy, but that is nothing compared to the view in Haiti.  Here, the sky is unhindered by bright lights and massive amounts of pollution.  I've never seen so many stars.  From the roof, they seem to just surround me from every side.  And the sunset, how marvelous to be able to watch the last rays of light peeking over the mountaintop.  Here, it is an everyday occurrence - walk out on your roof & you can't miss it.  It's the kind of thing city people go on vacation for and country folk get a little taste of each day.  But there is just something different about it here.  The mountains add a sense of grandeur that I don't feel from the flat cornfield laden landscapes of Illinois, even on the clearest of nights & with the most beautiful of sunsets.  In a beauty contest, Haiti beats us hands down.

Despite the deforestation & devastation, she wins.  She is strong & beautiful.  She has survived hurricanes & earthquakes, yet she stands...calm & mighty as if to say, "God is here.  I will not be shaken."  So beautiful. And to remember that Haiti, in the view of geography, is a tiny island nation gently floating in the Caribbean conflicts my heart.  On the one hand, she is so vulnerable.  Yet, while I sit here and look out the balcony I cannot help but insist that she & her people are strong and can withstand anything the world throws at them.




It really is a beautiful parallel to make to a woman's heart.  God calls us to be vulnerable, yet we must carry with us a sense of strength & tranquility that only comes from Him.  We must say, "I am here for whatever you want, Lord & I need you...but I am strong because I know you."


As I go through life, I hope to remember this moment & the things I learned from the Haitian countryside.  To draw upon God's strength & allow it to shine from me through a calm, vulnerable trust in Him.

Lord, help me to be strong, beautiful, & vulnerable like Haiti...

05/12/2010

(morning)

Off to Dekosye to check out the possibility of extending/expanding our clean water project there.  Actually, I think we are more looking for ways to convince Michael Ritter that the expansion is worth it.  Roy & Brittany seem pretty set.  It's got to be hard to pick & choose who to help down here.  That's really what they have to do.  There is no way to help everyone that comes to ask for help.  I hope we can convince Michael, though.  The addition of only 1 technician here gets water to another 650 familiar...that's probably half of LeRoy!  What a different that could make...

Another thing that struck me yesterday came up in conversations between Brittany & Roy.  That was how everyone in Haiti is connected.  The Sisters know the names of missionaries & follow relief efforts all over the nation.  This makes me wonder why their government can't get together and put forward a more united front.

(evening)

Fonkoze was a quite different banking experience this morning.  I figured Roy was joking a little, but Haiti time is really not like time in the US.  The bank was scheduled to open at 8:30, and as we sat down to wait for the doors to open, I noticed the clock on the wall read 8:47.  In the States, this would have caused an uproar.  The Haitian people are so patient though.  They simply waited, no complaining or arguing with the receptionist...true patience.  It's something to be admired & used as an example for us all.  When we arrived at Dekosye, a group of animators (representative from the communities in Father Nesly's parish) was waiting for Father Nesly to meet with them.  Father Nesly went around with us for 5+ hours showing us the school, church, & reforestation project.  When we returned, the animators greeted us from the same spot they were in when we departed.  They had waited all day to meet with the Priest, and they had done so patiently.  How amazing!  I have been told that I am a patient person, but I know I would have been irritated or have gone somewhere else or have fallen asleep.  I am beginning to realize just how much I have to learn from the Haitian people.

Another thing is finding pleasure in the little things in life...like bubbles or hand tricks.  The kids at the school in Perou were beautiful examples of that.

In order to follow God's call, we must allow ourselves to be uncertain.  Brittany has inspired me to remember that.  She had plans for her future but she allowed God to be her path & found herself in Haiti for a week, a month, & now a year.  How freeing would it be to follow God's call like that...I just love it!    To live for others as God calls you without your own agenda and to learn Creole, how awesome!  We had a good conversation about truly giving back & how there are opportunities everywhere to help.  We are ignorant & foolish if we don't use every opportunity we have to live for others.  Made me think of all the things I could do & am not...and the change in attitude that must come with that.  Learning to put others first in your heart is tough to do when our earthly bodies demand so much from us.

Lord, be my path...

Monday, May 9, 2011

05/11/2010

(morning)

Last night, after journaling, I picked up and finished the Haiti book that Roy gave to us (better late than never, eh?).  Amidst all he information on the culture, economy, and politics of Haiti was a small section on religion.  The book described a delicate interplay that is ongoing between Christian religions that have, for lack of a better term, been "brought" to Haiti, and the traditional Haitian Vodou.  The two work together in Haiti and many do not see any problem with participating in a Vodou ritual one night and getting up the next morning to attend a Christian church service.

I am not entirely sure what I think of this.  I have always known that religions & cultural rituals, such as Vodou are alive and well in the world, but I have never had personal contact with them.  I am open to learning more about Haitian Vodou.  In fact, I think it would be super interesting to see how the Haitian people believe the traditions of Vodou & the Christian faith fit together.
(Haitian Vodou temple)

How prevalent is Vodou in Haiti?  Is it more commonly regarded as a way of life or simply a tradition to be preserved?

Haiti seems to be a culture rich in tradition.  The unfortunate illiterate state of Haiti renders it ideal for the sharing of verbal stories.  As I read & as Roy shared with us at Camp Haiti, Haitians love to tell jokes and stories.  To me, this is beautiful.  In our fast-paced modern society, we have lost this.  The oftentimes impersonal approach we take hinders our cultural bonds.  We lack tradition.  We are missing those critical strands that could bring us together.  Maybe it is because the US is a melting pot - a mixture of people from all over the world, each bringing with him his own set of values & traditions.  It's too hard to make them all mesh, so we either keep them to ourselves or abandon them all together.  Then again, maybe not.  Instead, I see that we've allowed ourselves to get too wrapped up in our business so that we neglect to share our experiences.  We've become a people living together in separate worlds.  In this way, I believe Haiti has an edge on us; they're a cut above the rest.  I hope this is truly the way it is, because that would be something amazing & wonderful.  I'll have to wait and see.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord...

(evening)

So much to take in!  In many ways, it feels like Mexico - crazy driving, hot climate, dirty, damaged, people always looking to you for something.  Yet in other ways, it is so very different.

As we passed through customs this morning, we were greeted by mobs of Haitians all trying to fight for our business.  Hundreds of Haitians pushing & shoving & yelling.  It was like getting a taxi in New York x100.

Once one the road, I was struck by the absolute beauty of Haitian countryside.  I no longer question that Haiti was once a major tourist spot.  What a shame that dumb Americans got involved & tried to blame them for AIDS.  The crystal blue waters of the Caribbean, the booming presence of the mountains, & the vibrant colors of the plants leave little to be desired.  Liter, that is, other than the regrowth of the trees that once covered the countryside.  Deforestation for the sake of coal production has altered the lay of the land forever.  I truly admire the efforts to replant and was glad to get to see them firsthand today.

The resilience of the Haitian people is astounding!  Life goes on here as if the earthquake never happened, yet it's imprint is visible everywhere you go.  Structures are collapsed, businesses are set up in the streets and people are living packed in like sardines in hot, muddy tent cities.  But they go on.  Despite the devastation & lack of a plan for the future, they go on.  They smile.  They laugh.  They tell jokes & stories.  They cook.  They work.  They go to school.  They go on - seemingly without skipping a beat.


It does make me consider my life & what is truly important to me.  Could I live in a tent? Of course I could, but I wouldn't be happy about it.  And if I did, what belongings would I deem important enough to bring with me?  All the things I have accumulated at home over the years would not fit.  In fact, not even the things I have accumulated in my apartment since August would fit.  Why do I need all these things?  Because they allow me to fit into my own little slice of reality, right?  Well, that's not what being a follower of Christ is all about, fitting in.  Actually, it is about standing out.  Making a radical statement for Him.  Allowing Him to light your way, instead of some pre-determined set of standards the world sets for you.  Now, I'm not saying I am going to go home and turn in my phone, TV, & laptop (although maybe I should), but I am going to make a change that says I understand & desire the freedom that comes with living a simpler life.  I am going to make it more of a priority to listen to the still, small voice of God prompting me.

(tent city at Matthew 25 ministries, Port Au Prince)

On a lighter note, Gusnord is great, the accommodations couldn't be better, the hike to the top of Tout Mon was humbling, & dinner was delicious.  I enjoyed fellowshipping with Brittany & Sister Pat very much.  Haiti news seems so much more pertinent now that I know what we're referring to.  We'll see what new things tomorrow brings.

Simplify my heart, Lord...

05/10/2010

On the plane, I was thinking about all my farewells with family & friends - all the "I love you" and "Be careful", and I couldn't help but realize how not nervous I am about the trip.  I believe that God has called me to truly walk in solidarity with the Haitian people.  The current state of their country is their daily reality.  There is no reason for me to regard it with any more caution or fear than they do.  It is my hope that I will not be another white man observing and lending a helping hand after the quake, but rather that I will truly become a Haitian for these 12 days...really take a walk in their shoes.  I am getting to the point where my missions experiences begin to run together & all-too-often we leave and I feel like just another helping hand.  I'm really getting tired of that. It's not that the things that I've done in the past are not good, I just long for something more - something deeper and more permanent - a connection between me and the people.  I long to see the world as all the people of the world do, even if only for a little while.

I think that Roy truly believes that true solidarity is the only way to go.  He seems to regard us as completely responsible for our actions & decisions, and he encourages us to seek ways to walk in solidarity.  I hope this attitude will allow us to push past the surface and into the uncensored and possibly harsh reality that is Haitian life.

Although I previously commented on how not nervous I am, it just occurred to me that I am not completely nerve free.  While I am not nervous about our safety (God will take care of that), I am nervous that I am unprepared for what is to come.  I worry that my previous experiences have caused me to adopt an "I know" attitude...that I have done enough reading and praying to allow me to have the experience I desire.  From what I can tell from the studying I have done, Haiti is a unique, beautiful, & struggling nation.  I pray that God will allow me to regard it as such, without expectations & unaffected by my own weaknesses and faults.  After all, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.


We will see what tomorrow brings. Lord, prepare me...